Alcohoroscopes - Which One Are You?

ARIES : Drinking style

Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometimes

don't know when to call it a night. Their competitive

streak makes them prone to closing-time shot contests.

They're sloppy, fun drunks, and they get mighty flirty

after a couple tipples. Getting Aries people drunk is

a good way to get what you want out of them, should

other methods fail. Aries can become bellicose when

blotto, but they will assume that whatever happened

should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise. They

can be counted on to do the same for you -- so long as

you haven't gone and done anything really horrible to

them last night, you sneaky Gemini.

TAURUS Drinking style

Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming

for a mellow glow rather than a full-on zonk. Since a

truly intoxicated Taurus is a one-person stampede, the

kind of bull-in-a-china-shop inebriate who spills red

wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to

employers, the preference for wining and dining (or

Bud and buddies) to body shots and barfing is quite

fortunate for the rest of us. This is not to say that

the Bull is by any means a teetotaler -- God, no. A

squiffy Taurus will get, er, gregarious (full of

loudmouth soup, some would say) and is extremely

amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.

GEMINI Drinking style

Geminis can drink without changing their behavior much

-- they're so naturally chatty and

short-attention-spanned that it's just hard to tell

sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with

finesse and allusion, then doing something to belie an extremely

advanced state of intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Geminis

possess the magic ability to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly,

which is very tricky) with several people at once. They like to

order different cocktails every round -- repetition is

boring -- and may create a theme (like yellow drinks:

beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own


15 answers

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Donkey you don start again?


CAPRICORN Drinking style

Capricorn is usually described as practical,

steadfast, money-hungry and status-thirsty -- no

wonder they get left off the astrological

cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David

Bowie and Annie Lennox, not to mention Elvis.

Capricorn is the true rock star: independent,

powerful and seriously charismatic, not too eager to

please. And if they make money being themselves, who

are you to quibble? But just like most rock stars,

they're either totally on or totally off, and they

generally need a little social lubricant to loosen up

and enjoy the after party, especially if they can hook

up with a cute groupie.

AQUARIUS Drinking style

Aquarius and drinking don't go together that well

(except for water, that is). They have an innate

tendency toward know-it-allism, and if they get an

idea while sizzled, they're more stubborn than a stain

or a stone. If they're throwing a party or organizing

an outing, however, they're too preoccupied with their

duties to get combative -- and they make perfectly

charming drunks in that case. Fortunately, they're

usually capital drink-nursers. They also make the best designated

drivers (if you can get them before they start raising their wrist):

Aquarius is fascinated by drunk people and capable of holding

interesting conversations with soused strangers while sober.

PISCES Drinking style

If you're a Pisces, you've probably already heard

that you share a sign and an addictive personality --

with Liz Taylor, Liza Minelli and Kurt Cobain. Not

only do Pisces like to lose themselves in the dreamy, out-there

feeling that only hooch can give, but they build up a mighty tolerance fast.

Who needs an expensive date like that? On the other hand, they're

fabulously enchanting partners, whether in

conversation or in crime. With the right Pisces, you

can start out sharing a pitcher of margaritas and wind

up in bed together for days. The phrase "addictive

personality" can be read two ways, you know


CANCER Drinking style

Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an extra wine with

dinner or an after-work beer or six can be extra

comforting, can't it, Cancer darling? Like fellow

water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs must guard

against lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting

out secret parties and insinuating themselves on VIP

lists -- and, in true Hollywood style, Cancers are

never really drunk; instead, they get "tired and

emotional" (read: weepy when lubricated). But there's

nothing better than swapping stories (and spit) over a

few bottles of inky red wine with your favorite

Cancer. Even your second-favorite Cancer will do. The

sign also rules the flavor vanilla, and you'd be

adored if you served up a vanilla vodka and soda.

LEO Drinking style

Leo likes to drink and dance -- they're often fabulous dancers, and

usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing their commanding dignity

and turning kittenish. Of course, they're quite aware they're darling

- Leos will be Leos, after all. They generally know their

limit, probably because they loathe losing

self-control. When they get over-refreshed, expect

flirting to ensue -- and perhaps not with the one that

brung them. But Leo's not the type to break rules even

when drunk, so just try to ignore it (try harder,

Cancer) and expect a sheepish (and hung over) Lion to

make it up to you the next day.

VIRGO Drinking style

Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order onto

their bender. Their famously fussy quest for purity

could lead to drinking less than other signs, sure --

but it could also lead to drinking booze neat, to

sucking down organic wine or just to brand loyalty.

They rarely get fully shellacked -- but, oh, when they

do! Virgo's controlled by the intellect, but there's

an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it

loose when walloped. It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As

one Virgo friend used to declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low

level of intelligence tonight." A toast to the subgenius IQ!

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