Married From Another Tribe; what is the implication?
To marry from another tribe, is there any repercussion in it?
Married From Another Tribe; what is the implication?
To marry from another tribe, is there any repercussion in it?
There are disadvantages especially if the married couple do not study each others cultures and values before settling down. There are diverse cultures in Africa, and some of them requires certain practices especially in the event of death of a spouse or some other misfortune. Some parts are even too diabolical.
Bottom line,look before you leap.
Dear Nairalanders,what matters in marriage is the compactibilty blw u and the person u are getting married to.Two the immediate family of both sides acceptance not tribe.
I am an Igbo woman married to an Akwa Ibom man.i have never regreted it for one minute.His family are nice.
My husband and his family are good christians and does not even beleive in some of the things their people beleive in which i belive that is what matters most.
Even when u marry someone frm the same tribe with u and they are core traditionalist,u will still experience some of the bad side of the tradition.
So i categorically say that marriage is not about tribe but about both parties.
Amazingly enough I was trying to find where to begin on this issue then I read 9ja4eva signature
' Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live'
That is the crux of the matter. we hardly try to know each others culture and that is why it is difficult for inter-tribal marriage. language barriers, With the greatest of respect is more pronounced in the East especially if you are given or to take or expected to become Igwe 1 of Agamba or whatever 1 title you decide to choose.
Understanding with couples and explain position to parents. And community should rejoice for whichever we marry from.
The most challenge is when mariage is in difficulty, blame will start to fly around to say if you had marry your own you will have been better. let me tell you it is a lie from the pit of hell.
Religion and after passing away of either party is another challenging period. But if both party see themselves as friends then it will be well.
If anybody want to marry any other tribe should try to spend some period at least 6 month or a year to understand other tribes if they can be patient, it will be a time well spent.
when both parties are geniuenly in love they can carry family and community along and the couple can even open line of understanding among the 2 communities.
If I have my way and I am the president of Nigeria I will encourage inter-tribal marriage. inter-tribal visit, religion visits and hosting. let us get to know others, our culture, foods, language etc.
If and is a big 'if' and God forbid bad thing and I actually reject it in Jesus Christ name - that I choose to be a polygamist, I will marry from mosts tribe and show what one can do together as oppossed to being divided for some silly Tribal cause. I do not propose nor encourage anyone to do so either. There are more damages to human life from polygamy.
So children of God beware.
I know couples who came from the same town, got married & their marriages crashed within the first three years. And I have met couples from different tribes who got married & their marriages stood the test of time, until they were parted by death. My grand-parents were a typical example. Their kids ended up being bi-lingual & well-versed in both cultures. At the end of the day, most cultures have quite a few things in common. Are you saying that there is no Nigerian culture that does not recognise truth, integrity, honour & respect for elders? Some people go out of their way to learn French, Spanish, German and other languages, just because their jobs demand it or just because they have to fit into their new environment , once they relocate to the West. Would they do the same for a Nigerian language? Hardly.
Everyone just has to make up his mind, about what he or she wants. Some people are too scared of the unknown & too lazy to learn new things, so that is why they take refuge in the familiar stuff. Culture is man-made & is dynamic. The fact that you marry from your tribe, is NOT a sure-fire guarantee that your marriage would be idyllic.
Those same people saying "don't marry outside your culture or tribe" today, can wake up to sing another tune tomorrow when it suits them. What matters most in any union is love, trust , respect, understanding, communication, sincerity, patience, tolerance, compassion etc.?.
One of my neighbours are an inter-ethnic couple. The husband is Igbo & the wife is Yoruba. When the guy wanted to marry the girl, lots of his family members objected, just out of prejudice. One of his uncles was most adamant. He stood against the union. The guy weighed his options & went ahead to marry the girl.
A few years later this uncle was posted to Lagos on a job & tried hard to get accomodation, but it was difficult. He finally found one within his budget. But the landlord was reluctant to rent it out. So he called my neighbour & said " Please can you ask your in-laws to intervene? Or can you tell your wife to speak her language to the landlord to make him rent the house to me?"
Who would the uncle have turned to, if the guy had followed his instructions not to marry that girl?
Beneath our clothes, we all have the same features. I have an uncle who married a Liberian woman in the mid-sixties. They are still quite happily married, till today. Most of the time, we give the woman a lot of credit for her patience & understanding. I still do not think my uncle could have gotten a better wife, because of this woman's wonderful attributes.
Inter-tribal marraige is not a bed of roses, but neither is it a total bed of thorns. Which marriage truly is, a bed of roses by the way? All marriages require hard-work. it is a pity that for most of us, our mind-sets have been conditioned, not to think outside the box. And the stereotypes that have been perpetuated over the years about different cultures, have tinted the lenses through which most folks view other tribes.
I think that can also happen when the parents are from the same ethnic background especially if they live in a city like Lagos.
Children can also learn three languages - though some might have problems. If I would have had children with my last boyfriend, I would have spoken to them in my language and hoped that he would use his own language with them --- and, well, the English, they still could have picked it up at kindergarten.
as for me my parents sometimes say that is safer for me to marry from my own tribe but i argue with them that what if i fall in love with someone from another tribe what will happen and my mom say dat its just better to marry from ur own tribe so i don 't really think there's anything wrong but i think it depends on the particular family the person is marrying into,
There are numerous disadvantages of marrying from a different tribe as far as naija is concerned. I personally do not have a problem marrying from another truibe but the simple truth is that marriage in Africa is not a husband and wife affair, it is a union of families. The families of the bride and groom will merge into one big extended family where each will look out for other withouth a second thought. When you have two families from different tribe, no matter how enlightened there will be differences that may take a lot of adjustment and sacrifice to amend.
One can say the father/mother/uncles/aunts etc should not dictate the pace. While I agree with that, you must remember that friends will come and go but when the chips are down, only family will be there for you to the end, no matter how much they dislike you, they are stuck with you forever and have no choice but to attempt to bail you out. Bear that in mind before you raise your middle finger on your family members and tell them to to stick it.
There are so many obstacles and stumbling blocks on the way but once the two families get through these, that kind of union is usually glamourous. If I must marry oustside my tribe, I'll rather marry a girl from other West African countries like Senegal, Ghana or Cameroun, A French or Carribean woman, simply because I believe the Nigerian brand tribe mama drama is alien to them.
Bottom line: You can marry whatever but look before you leap. Inter tribal marriage is NOT a bed of roses.
Marriage itself is very complex. Intertribal marriage is bound to be further complication. Some of the problems are cultural conflict, language barrier, family problems. Love will play a role between the couple, but what of the family? We need to remember that in Africa, marriage is a union of families.
Though it is good for national unity, but.........look before you leap and pray hard.
I personally cannot marry 4rom another pride not cuz am tribalist cuz i want the culture 2 follow up. it can be very had adjusting to da traditions of the other tribe. Another reson is dat i want ma kids 2 be able 2 speak my language. If i marry a yoruba man 4 example, the child is stuck in between thereby leaving only english as an option...diz is ma insight though so no offense 2 any1..enough said
In a nut-shell, I am absolutely against marrying from another tribe. Well, say what you like about me and my opinion, 75 to 95 percent of inter-tribal marriage end up to a refined polygamy. This happen in a later year of the said marriage when the husband family will be agitating the man to marry a young lady from his tribe. Between you and me, we clearly know that this happens in Nigeria every now and then. So, there is no need to hide behind one finger in addressing this issue. Take a good look or random sampling in your community, you will testify to my claim when next you are on-line. Bye for now. My opinion is not final, but it could be useful for you in deciding who you marry. Marriage in Nigeria is far and above European way of marriage and love. We should not fail to remember that TRIBE is the top-most factor that determine lots of DOS and DONTS in Nigeria. Would you tell me that your family (Father, mother, siblings, uncle and others) has no say in your life? No. Absolutely no. Think very well about it before you make up your mind. Good Luck to Us (amin)
there are disadvantages in marrying from another tribe and it affects the woman in particular. Not everyone will accept u as a member of the family. You no longer have a hold in ur immediate family when u marry in2 another tribe.
for instance; an Ijaw girl marries a hausa man. At home she's told to keep quiet because she only has a say in her husband's house in the same vein, her inlaws still see her as that ijaw girl who married their son.
We have lots of traditions in Africa. Some traditions require the wife to eat a certain type of food, while her husband's culture see's it as a taboo.
Hmmmm....In the global village that we live in,such a topic should not even be discussed.The guy who does not speak his language,and is going to be head of extended family-na wahala be that oh !You better let your people know that all your deficiencies and let them decide if you can still be village head! BUT are you getting married for you OR for your family/village!? I have a similar tale as yours,except am not first son. So I packed my bags,as the Bible advised,-"a man shall leave his father and his mother" got married to someone from a different tribe(because that is whom I love and God led me to marry) and "am glinging to her". Do you know the implications of this village head thing you are talking about?! Ma broda,abeg be careful in this life oh!Good luck in whatever decisions you make.
I am not sure i agree with the various rose tinted glasses view of marriage between tribes. It does not reflect the reality of the diversity between the various ethnic groups. I believe its a very complex and tricky issue that goes far beyond love it requires study and pragmatism.
Tell me what type of love will make a woman marry a man who in the event that he pre-deceases her, his relations will require her to drink the water used to wash the corpse or even sleep with the corpse to show she didnt kill their relation?
There are many issues involved in intra - tribal marriage, my candid advice is to ask questions, study your spouse's people, and ultimately pray that God will guide your decision in order to mitigate the possibility of grief in the future.
There is no disadvantage of marrying from another tribe.
But it is a decision one has 2 take carefully.
Especially a woman cos the woman has to make all the sacrifices and adjustments.
She has to learn a new culture, has 2 make effort to be accepted by her husband's family cos she is now a member of that family.
Marriage in Africa is not just about 2 people in love families are involved.
But if there is Love the couple can weather the storms.
What about a guy that is the first born of his parent and he doesn't understand his language (reason: parent's fault) i.e he cant express himself with his father's language and being the first born (male) of his father who happens to be the first born and head of the extended family in his home town/village. This automatically/traditionally means that, after his father's death he becomes the next Head/Leader of the entire extended family. Isn't it wrong if he marries a lady from another tribe, who doesn't know how to speak the said language and knows nothing about the culture and tradition of the said family.