Dream to save your relationship? What tips are the best? Can cheating help relationship? You’ll find out everything you wanted to know about saving your family here!
Cheating is one of the most difficult and unpleasant moments in family life. Some even think that sometimes it may be for better and wonder ‘does cheating help a relationship’. Speaking of cheating, it is very important to separate the concept of ‘cheating’ and ‘casual relationships on the side’.
The cheating of a beloved one is always painful and is perceived as a betrayal. As a rule, family life changes very much after cheating, and certainly not for the better. As a rule, cheating does not occur without reason. Any cheating has the reason behind the couple's relationship. Practice shows that responsibility for cheating lies on the shoulders of both spouses.
The instinctive nature of human sexuality is polygamous, so ‘casual relationships’ can occur in both men and women, even in the most amicable family. If the couple is healthy enough (from the psychological point of view), then, as a rule, the partners jointly and using discussions overcome this crisis. Another thing is cheating - when the new relationship is formed by a kind of mental or psychological connection in addition to the sexual desire. As a rule, it is impossible to conceal cheating, because after that relationships in families change very much. Often cheating becomes a wake-up call that the family is not all right, and there are problems that require attention and joint discussion.
It is well evident from the psychological practice. If the partners are ready to discuss what is going on in their relationship, it is found that the hidden conflicts and tension in the family have begun much earlier. For example, the wife resents her husband that he does not meet her expectations, does not treat her as her father did, when she was a child. Even more, he is waiting for the support and understanding for himself. Instead of discussing this among themselves, the wife begins to be cold and aloof.
The husband gets angry at that and also turns away from his wife. There is a cheating, an affair begins. After some time his wife finds out about that. As a rule, the husband himself tells about it or leaves some evidences. It's like some kind of message: ‘We have a problem, I do not have enough warmth and love, I'm ready to go, but do not go away, because there is something that binds us!’ And it is very important to decipher a message correctly. And then there are hundreds of possible options. Each couple is unique, and every situation has its own reasons of cheating.
Due to the psychologist each couple using finds its way out of this crisis. When marital therapy is successful and the partners are ready for constructive dialogue, after properly experienced cheating, their relationship is much improved, and there is a new, deeper understanding of what happens in between. A lot of people, who have experienced the cheating of a beloved one, believe that in order to change something and improve relations, only jointly addressing to the psychologist may work. In fact it is not true. One person can seek psychological help too.
Personal psychotherapy can help you to cope with your emotional state, to understand the causes of what is happening and to develop an optimal strategy of behavior. Often people experiencing cheating, say they understand, see reasons, know how to behave and handle it. If a person feels relaxed and open to the dialogue, most likely he is. But if he has a constant anxiety, disturbed sleep and appetite, as a rule, his ‘understanding’ and the vision of the situation is either false, or very shallow.
It does not reflect the essence of what is happening in their relationship. Therefore, in such cases, it is important not to delay treatment of a psychologist. Sometimes seeking help from a psychologist is stopped, because of shame, fear, the fear to change something, a feeling of distrust, a feeling of hopelessness. These are the feelings that cause us to suffer and, therefore, continue to destroy the relationships that still remain after the cheating.
Psychological assistance after cheating helps to understand the situation, to resolve those unconscious conflicts that have accumulated in the relationship and to cope with the emotional stress that occurs in this situation.
Can cheating help a relationship?
It always depends on couple, but usually people do not feel any relieve or happiness after an affair. They feel fear, guilt and even disgust. Cheating may only help to reveal the hidden problem, but not to make relationship stronger and happier.
How to help a relationship after cheating?
There are some truisms that just have to be learned by the involuntary (or potential) participants in a love triangle. People should know them in order to preserve physical and mental health, disability, and self-respect.
Cheating husband. 10 important tips for wife
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- If a woman wants not to lose self-respect, stay calm and help her relationship, she is recommended to keep in mind:
- Your image of the husband is not the husband himself.
- If you have considered your husband as a continued part of the home's interior, you should know that it is possible, there are places where he enjoys playing other roles, and the house is a place for rest after the tumultuous love games, perceiving you as a little thing needed in his ‘farm’.
- Getting married does not mean you get a husband for lifetime use.
- The life of every human being, including your husband, belongs primarily to himself. Everyone has the right to make mistakes and the awareness of this error, too. It depends on you what it will be a mistake to your husband - marital relationship with you or a love affair on the side.
- If you find that the husband is cheating on you, try first of all to maintain discretion. Determine for yourself honestly and directly what you want in this situation. Possible options are generally as follows:
- I want to break off relations immediately and leave forever, forget it as a nightmare;
- I want to be together, to forgive, and that to make everything as it has been before;
- I do not want to leave and I cannot, but dream of revenge for my pain;
- I stay with him on the principle that his lover does not come out the winner;
- I need to revisit the past, to understand what my own errors have been and not to let the situation destroy me.
- None of these ones is the correct version, there must be the option, which is most suitable for you. Choose. But with a clear head, according to the goal, which you have. So you do not regret.
- Just bear in mind the law of life: there is nothing that destroys us more than revenge, so the options, connected with it, can be dangerous to your physical and mental well-being. Revenge of the blamed one (if he is guilty) carried out, believe me, without your participation. Because evil will come back to its creators. But not when you do crave, but much later. You need to relax, thinking about yourself and your own, only yours, problems and their solutions.
- Maintain dignity. Having learned about the cheating, in any case do not try to communicate with his mistress, to expose her to gather around some discrediting facts. Be above it even using enormous internal effort. Not for the sake of your husband or opinions of strangers. For the sake of yourself. In order to respect yourself for the fortitude and strength of character a bit later.
- If you found it possible for you to stay married to the unfaithful husband, forgive him once and for all. Do not engage in constant asking, do not insult him, do not remind about the past. Otherwise you will make your husband very, very sorry that he has stayed with you.
- We must be able to show generosity. It is a feat. But if you consciously decide to keep the family together, work for the benefit of its recovery. (Restoring is always more difficult than destroying.)
- Do not try to find immediate replacement for your husband, to pay him back in the same coin. Any of us can find a casual partner, if it’s necessary. Only it will not be a consolation. If we are pushed into a muddy puddle, it is necessary to get out of it, to wash away the dirt and forget. But engaging in casual relationships is equivalent to the fact that after dirt which is not your own, you will jump to another dirt, assuring yourself that this is a revenge against the first puddle.
- Focus on your health. Women, who have experienced deep pain of cheating, often get female diseases - so the body responds to humiliation and insult. You owe yourself to survive, to stay healthy and attractive. Do your best to be sociable and distracted from gloomy thoughts.
- Whatever you decide: to be together or separate, try to stay friends. This is the most productive, wise and right direction of thoughts and action. Even at first, friendship with a traitor is impossible to imagine.
Husbands should understand:
- Women by nature are arranged quite differently than you. For them, the physical closeness means a lot more than the gymnastic exercises, followed by relaxation. They involve soul. Beware of vibrations of these its ‘strings’ in the case of your unscrupulous behavior.
- If you tell a woman, ‘I love you’ to just feel the full emotional impact of her, you are playing foul play, because for her these words are equivalent to the proposal to link your fate forever.
- No matter how successful you are on the sexual front, do not lose your head. If you are mostly satisfied with your marriage, you need to respect the feelings of your wife when she discovers the betrayal. You run the risk of losing loyal and reliable companion.
- Adventures on the side quite often end up all the same marriages. Then full of disillusionment with passionate feelings, forcing to destroy a genuine kinship with his (some men say) real wife comes and man opens his eyes.
- Do not bring your lover to your family home, there are things that you cannot do under any circumstances. This is one of them. If there is a child's naive question ‘why’, there can be quite childish answer ‘It will be worse for you’. Mistress will be furious looking at his wife's things, there will be a hatred that definitely one way or another materialize in the form of a series of setbacks and turmoil that will crumble at the head of all members of the family unit.
- Do not dedicate a lover into the family business, in the problems of children, etc. Caution: you give her the most valuable - information which she can use to cause harm to those whom you love. The secret always becomes known - it is an immutable law.
- You are deeply mistaken if you think that, having an affair, finally means finding a true soul, who understands your primordial passion for freedom, adventure, extreme. You would be very surprised if you hear intimate conversations of your freedom-loving and reckless lover with her friends. Believe me, you would be struck by the strategy and tactics of the battle for the possession of you with a legitimate spouse. And believe us, she does it with a cup of coffee in a trendy restaurant.
- You have to understand: we, the women, cannot afford to waste time on ‘someone temporary’. And those, who allow to use themselves as ‘a lightning rod’, become bankrupt in their personal life, without husband, children, and everything they want to have. So be sure: she is fighting for you! You are a pawn, not a king!
- This is very intimate issue of our article. But if you are out in the field of ‘sexual cheating’, please use remedy, which protects against infection. No matter how credible may seem to you your new fiancée, anything can happen in our life. There are often tragic cases, where HIV-positive people deliberately infect those who trustingly enter into sexual contact with them, using no protection. HIV-infected people have special mental state, believing that life is not fair to them and so they decide to take revenge on others for their own suffering.
- Do not tell your lover about the shortcomings of behavior, lack of understanding and perverse inclinations of your wife. You want to ‘pour out your heart’. You are certainly looking for sympathy. You crave to be loved. You (without noticing) exaggerate much. You, of course, will be loved. But remember, loving woman cannot stand, hates your offender (ie wife, whom you do not intend to leave). And then thunder will strike! Your wife will get more than anyone else, of course. But you will not bypass the chain of very unpleasant episodes too.
- Life is a system process. As part of the system, we influence each other. The relationship of people forms a feedback loop. Sooner or later people experience being joined with others. So try not to make bad things to others if you don’t want to feel them on yourself.
Cheating cannot help your relationship, but if you think about the situation with a clear mind, try to find a solution, use our tips or visit a psychologist – everything will be fine. Don’t lie to yourself and your partner. Honest dialogue may help you a lot. Save something that others cannot even build. Of course, if you want to.
- READ ALSO: Is cheating genetic?