«Home

Should I Tell Him What Went Wrong?

this is a true life experience. my female friend was faced with making a decision as to whom to choose between two male suitors. she was actually in a relationship with one of them for about two years  before going for her youth service, where she ended up meeting the other. the one whom she was dating at that time proposed to her on born again grounds i.e. that God spoke to him that he was the husband. she then agreed to start the relationship being herself chronic born again at that time, even thou she had no form of attraction for the guy. she agreed all the same with the conviction in her heart that God's ways are different from the ways of humans, hence using that to justify God's sending her someone contrary to her dream man. but when she went for her nysc, she actually saw (the second suitor) a born again xtian brother that she was attracted to, but ended up turning down his marriage proposal because she felt  she was pleasing God already by accepting the first one that came to her as her husband. she was also afraid to own up to her feelings o this new brother. she was equally scared of hurting the first brother by telling him the truth of still haven't been able to grow any romantic feeling for him for the two years they had dated. now she is been married to the first brother for almost 6 years and has just realized her folly, that in the issue of marriage, there is nothing like 'God says'. having lived with her husband for this long, she is seen enough to confirm that she's been deceived into a relationship, hence marriage. the guilt is so strong on her that she wants your advise on whether to tell the other brother(thou he is married now)what actually transpired and the reasons why she refused  his marriage proposal then. Don't forget he is the other brother she truly cared about. she entered marriage with the first thinking that love would grow. this love has refused to grow and she really detests this brother now for taking advantage of her. please help my friend to know if there is really anything like 'God says' and whether she should look for her true love's address and ask for his forgiveness. And could God have actually told the first brother who is now the husband that 'that is your wife' is it good for brothers to say 'God told me', instead of just plainly an honestly making their feelings known without the involvement of God's name?

Avatar
Newbie
15 answers

Hello everyone i was browsing the internet and i saw a lot of wrong quote concerning the ILLUMINATI SOCIETY, i felt bad about it, i want to let you know few things about the ILLUMINATI SOCIETY. Am from Nigeria, i join the ILLUMINATI HOOD through the help of an agent someone introduced me to online, after years of determination to be a

member. being a member of the ILLUMINATI your wealth is guarantee, you will be protected, fame, power influence e.t.c all these they will give you. one thing i want to correct is that the ILLUMINATI don't pay member any salary, if you are newly initiated they will give you the seed of wealth and bless you with wisdom, power, influence e.t.c you need to be successful. the seed of wealth is the only money the ILLUMINATI SOCIETY give to their member, with this you can start

anything with the money and you will be successful. Another thing is that the society have special blessing for politicians and superstars.Being an ILLUMINATI member is a personal decision, the society don't force or beg people to join them. i joined because i want to, no body force me and am very happy to be a member today because they have

contributed greatly to my life by making me one of the leading business man in the world. If you are interested in joining the

ILLUMINATI SOCIETY contact agent SIR FRANK on +2348146527275 or

email him @illuminatisociety6@outlook.com he was the one that help me.This is the little help i can give you.

0
Avatar
Specialist

Anyway tell that potential home wrecker to leave that man she so called cared about alone because she doesn't want to be responsible for breaking up his home. If she hates her husband she should get a divorce and stop suffering in silence.

0
Avatar
Newbie

^^ My thoughts exactly !

Assuming she decides to start a relationship with the second man, does she plan to look out for a third guy who toasted her if the second one too turns out to be non-compatible ?

As for the second man suffering in his marriage, itz his cross to bear i.e, itz none of her business. For all you know, he could have made up this story to take advantage of her situation.

0
Avatar
Newbie

You are married already! why going to that married brother again? Except you missed his rod of moses and want to taste it again. Leave him alone and work your marriage out.

Love is not everything, destiny works in different ways. What God as put together, don't put asunder. Leave this happy home alone and build your own happy home. Love fades!

The issue is most women are never contented with what they have. When they get married they start remembering manifestos of their suitors.

How rich a former suitor is more than their husband.

How handsome their former suitor was.

Lady concentrate and stop dreaming.

0
Avatar
Newbie

if you told me "God says", then you must give me evidence of other accurate things God has said to you at various points in time besides, God directs people to choices, the last person God chose for was Adam.

going back to the story:

For me, this situation summaries to the statement "The Grass is greener on the other side"

0
Avatar
Newbie

when i asked my guy what he thinks about me, he said when he prays, he just has peace in his heart about me not that God spoke to him and told him, hes a good christain. God may actually speak to some people but nowadays, alot of guys take advantage of it using it to deceive girls into marriage. I met a guy and we became friends working together, he got to see d kind of girl I am, his dream girl he would say cos he has gone through several bad relationships. the next thing he said was that his pastor said I am his wife and yet he knows I am into a serious relationship. I am spirit filled and I pray so I know my left from my right. I cant be easily deceived like that. Its too late to want to start making amends. just take up everything in prayers and learn to love this guy.

0
Avatar
Newbie

actually busta divorce is not a sin before God. God just doesnt like it because marriages are meant to last till death. Moses did not like it, but he said on grounds of infidelity and i think abuse, it is permissible. Christ stressed his dislike for divorce but didnt say it was a sin.

where in the world did you hear that?

getting married again after you divorce is the sin, because that is viewed as adultery.

anyway, if this woman and the other guy were catholics, they could annul their marriage since it seems like the other Guy also deceived his current wife lol. sha sha, since they are not. i don't know, try and try to make it work!

0
Avatar
Newbie

If she couldnt love him through the years of dating, what pray tell made her think she would suddenly develop them when in a tighter bound relationship?

0
Avatar
Newbie

I think this is getting more complicated than I had earlier thought. I might be back later.

0
Avatar
Newbie

but as at the last time the sister in question saw the other guy, he was not enjoying his marriage as well and infact blamed the sister for pushing him into marrying a second best. i think the sister is more convinced than ever now that they were both met for each other, but as a result of her decision made them end up with wrong patners. maybe this is why she feels she owns the brother an explanation now and to say she is sorry for all the pains caused on both sides. and who knows they could strenghten each other by still remaining good friends.

finally, is it right for a pastor to tell a brother what u just said without calling the sister to find out her true state of feelings too? and yeah you are right, she did believe she would grow to luv the broda, but marriage is a diff experience o. i think it is true love that can sustain it when u are faced with challenges. if the love does not originally exist and then you have so many challenges u're facing, there is little to no time to grow any love. and u seem to have forgotten that most pple real identities are revealed in marriage esp with xtians who do blind courtship and by the time u see these things, u now open ur eyes from ur heavenlies to realities!

0
Avatar
Newbie

but who is really guilty between these couple? is it the brother that lied to her to make her marry him or the sister that accepted the marriage proposal , and never told the broda her true feelings towards him that she does not actully like him, but can tolerate him only?

secondly, the sister in wanting to get in touch with the other brother is not because she intends to break his home, but just to reveal some hidden things of the past to him as to why she refused his proposal and probably bcome friends. the two of them are poles and miles apart now, so i dont think it would work attempting to lure him away from his wife anyway.

0
Avatar
Newbie

I am surprised at the NR of people God is talking to these days.

What dose she hope to achive in going to talk to the other man.

0
Avatar
Newbie

see why i stay catholic? - like giggite pointed out this crap of 'God says' that so-called born again brothers come up with, would not in anycase survive in the catholic faith.

1. no reverend father would support this as a premise for consumating a union.

2. an annulment of the marriage on the grounds of its being based on deception, would be readily granted.

as to the second part of the post, what does the girl stand to gain by telling her 'true love' who is now married what transpired.

does she now want to 'sow a seed' and destroy another marriage?

if she cannot learn to love her husband, let her move on,and hope that she finds true happiness elsewhere (not with the second guy though).

0
Avatar
Newbie

im of course speaking from a catholic point of view. if it were me and i was sure the man deceived me into marriage by saying 'God Said' then i was never married, because i didnt not have the full facts before entering into the marriage. im also not married in the eyes of God and the church, because a foundation of lies does not make a marriage. i would therefore annul my marriage, get divorced legally and go and look for the man of dreams. but i would also go for counselling sha

on the other hand, maybe she never tried to develop feelings for her husband because love can grow. maybe she just really focused on her other love and didnt try to make her marriage work. if this is the case, then she should forget tht other guy and really try and make her marriage work.

0
Avatar
Newbie

As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing like "God said I must or will marry you", in the sense that God's revelations to us are not that direct and point blank.  God does not specifically make a marriage work, so no one should fall into that folly of "God said, " (especially ladies).  A marriage would never survive nor be meaningful and enjoyable unless it is built upon mutual respect, similar interests, trust, faithfulness, understanding, deep friendship and intimacy, great attraction and affection, sacrifice, etc.  Once a party in a marriage begins to feel used or coerced into the marriage, the marriage is almost as good as being nullified.

Personally, I do not believe in the notion of a particular soulmate.  I would rather say that there are several, may be, few potential soulmates out there (not all the people you meet).  It is then left for each person to make the best out of whomever we meet.  There is no need to be desperate or think that we owe anyone the obligation of marrying the person, even after engagement (though it is better to give it much thought before accepting to accept a man's hand in marriage).  There are women who walked out of what they thought would be a depressing marriage right at the altar, just like some men have pulled off their cassocks at the altar few minutes (even seconds) before their 'aborted' priestly ordination.

Pity your friend is a "born-again", reason she may not want a divorce.  Hence, she could work towards developing some attraction for her "husband" before the wreck of the marriage destroys her forever.  She could also talk to her pastor about it (hoping her pastor would not advice her to leave her current husband to come and marry him - the pastor).  What is more, I would not think she needs to go apologise to the second guy, unless she is thinking of leaving the current guy for him.  She owes no one anything in this case, as far as I am concerned, hence she is free to take any decision she feels is best for her.  If she eventually strongly feels she was tricked into the current marriage (which is even about enough ground for the Church to classify the marriage as a nullity if she were Catholic, though I doubt she is), then she should get out of it as soon as she can summon the courage to and go look for someone she really connects with.

Without enough attraction (mutually), a relationship, nay marriage, is hanging on a very thin string.  Any little problem would make the string snap!

Just my two cents.

0
Avatar
Newbie
Your answer
Add image

By posting your answer, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.