What Is Your Self-esteem In Your Relationship?

Please, relax and read this very important explanation on Self-esteem, because your Self-esteem plays a vital part in life and your ignorance of it can ruin your relationship.

Most of us have issues with our Self-esteem and often do not know how to address it.

Why I am addressing this subject is for the benefit of most young and old women who have a Low Self-Esteem or Inferiority Complex, because I have seen that women more than men are the worst victims of this psychological problem.

In most cases the cause is  physical, psychological or social.

Physical disability can make people to feel inferior in a relationship.

Financial shortcomings also affects self-esteem.

Academic of professional shortcomings will also affect your self-esteem.

But you can control your self-esteem no matter your shortcomings.

Poverty is the most common cause of low self-esteem and inferiority complex in relationships in Nigeria, because the poor feel inferior to the rich and the rich feel superior to the poor.

Big Boys take advantage of poor babes on and off campus and in offices.

I never had such problems even though in the city we were poor, but in my village I am from nobility.

In the rural areas, landed properties are used to measure and separate the rich from the poor.

I have a Christian attitude in all relationships and I do not regard or judge people by their class.

I have seen those from rich families playing gods and lords in both private and public affairs.

Like a Big Boy living in  Ikoyi thinks it would be beneath him to date the poor girl living in Mushin in Lagos.

A Big Girl living in Park View Estate or Victoria Garden City on Victoria Island feels it would be beneath her to date the poor guy living in Ajegunle or Oshodi.

What Prof. Pat Utomi calls the Bigmannism Complex in Nigeria.

Of course he has seen it all from the modest Patike Communication on Bode Thomas Street in Surulere to the top level of the Nigerian society.

This common social class discrimination is actually the root cause of the Aristo syndrome on campuses in Nigeria.

The poor girls are desperate in their pursuit of "Keeping up with the Joneses" and this is also the root cause of the get-rich-quick 419 Internet scams and other crimes of phishing of the infamous Nigerian Yahoo-Yahoo guys and babes.

I have a spectator approach to most of the activities of humans in the society since I have to observe and write about them. But I often feel sorry for the victims.

You see a local chic with inferiority complex getting excited and thrilled to date an international guy who just arrived or returned from the US or the UK with all his bling-bling.

The first time I took a popular Nigerian female blogger and magazine publisher to a Buffet Lunch.at a seminar in 1997, she was nervous and I had to serve her myself. She kept on pointing out the distinction between the rich and the poor.

Coming from the ghetto of Mushin to an event on Victoria Island was too much for her. But today she is "Keeping up with the Joneses" and even regarded as a Big Girl and moved up the social ladder from Mushin to Surulere.

The only way you can balance the equation of social class discrimination in a lopsided relationship is getting a GOOD EDUCATION, because once you end up on the campus of the University of Lagos with Folashade Okoya and her pseudo-upper class league, you are most likely going to end up rubbing shoulders with them and if you keep it up, you can end up on the top rungs of the same ladder in Corporate Nigeria and bridge the wide gap between you and them.

If you are not as educated or as rich as the person you want to date, do not feel inferior or have a low self-estem if you really know your worth or the stuff you are made of. Just BE YOURSELF.

Be confident if the person is arrogant.

Confidence will always overcome arrogance eventually.

I have seen where some gang of pretty babes did not want their friend they considered "ugly" or "does not belong" to follow them to a meeting with some "Big Boys" on their "Must Date" Hit List.

That is why you see that girls from poor homes are desperate to hook "Big Boys" by hook or by crook, because they believe that is the only way they can make ends meet or make it in the class conscious society.

You are God's Masterpiece


Under no circumstances should you feel inferior to any guy or any babe.

He or she is not your God.

You can make it without him or her.

All you need is diligence and intelligence to BE YOURSELF and MAKE THE BEST OF WHATEVER YOU KNOW YOUR TALENT IS academically or professionally.

Forget the Bling-Bling of the so called Joneses.

Most of them will end up in the junkyard or cemetary anyway.

Go for the things you need to make a difference in your life.

What can prove your worth so that no man or woman can look down on you.

Do you know that the richest person in the world, Warren Buffet, whose net worth is over US$62 billion does not believe in Bling-Bling ? In fact, he can buy both the founder of Playboy, Hugh Marston Hefner and 50 cent a thousand times over if they were for sale on the New York Stock Exchange!

Most of the Bling-Bling   guys and babes are often shallow and hollow and that is why they need Bling-Bling to boost their self-esteem.

I do not like to see people taking advantage of the inadequacies or disabilities of others in relationships.

A friend once boasted to the wife:

You know I did you a great favour by marrying you.

What a jerk suffering from misplaced inferiority complex!

He actually dumped her later after 14 years of marriage.

If only she had not allowed herself to fall prey to this so called "macho man".

A handsome dude thinks the not so attractive babes should worship him like an idol.

A pretty babe feels that the no so good looking guys should kiss her feet.

A close buddy told me that most of the young spouses of the oil company guys in their estate would not have married the guys if they were not "Big Boys".

If your relationship is based on your class, it will not last the test of time.

You want to bet?

The same guy posing and posturing as a "Big Boy" to the babe also posing and posturing as a "Big Girl" will not resist the temptation to sleep with the housegirl who hardly washes her undies!

Yes. I have seen it. He even got the poor girl pregnant.


Do not let any man disrespect you in any relationship.


Do not let any woman disrespect you in any relationship.

Do not accept any Bullshit from anyone.


If he does not respect you, he does not love you.

If she does not respect you, she does not love you.

You deserve the best in your relationship.

Therefore, please, for your own good and to secure your future, do not settle for less.

Do not let anyone take advantage of you in the disguise of "I love you.".

Do not be a fool for love.

Be happy.

5 answers

You have really seen well.

God help us in this life



I have seen the evidence of the complex in many relationships in Nigeria.

I have seen a young Nigerian woman who is well educated, but being mocked by many uneducated people who call her "ugly". She has become so demoralized that she has given up on being loved by any man and in fact is only looking for any man married or single to call her "wife".

This low self-esteem has made her to give up her dreams of making a difference in our generation. She is overweight and does not care.

I have seen a young woman in perpetual state of depression, because of rejection by some men who thought she was only good to sleep with and dump. But I found her and make her realize their lies were from the bottomless pit of hell. She is now so cool and they are dumb-founded.

I have seen a young man who was of mixed race like the popular Nigerian actor Ramsey Nouah, but he was half-educated and a poor cobler and the hip babes in our neighbourhood were making fun of him until he disappeared and later reappeared all cleaned up and with cash and a Mercedes Benz coupe and the same hip babes flocked to him and later one young notable Nollywood actress I discovered told me that he offered her N10, 000 to have sex with her.

I have seen another young man who was driven away by his uncle for being "untrustworthy" and my mother took him in and from sleeping in our corridor he got admission into Ambrose Ali University and graduated years later and today he is one of the Big Boys in Ekpoma.

Whilst he was sleeping in our corridor, he was depressed. But I took a bowl of water and washed his feet and prayed for him and told him that he was tall, good looking, and super brilliant and his poor background is not a barrier to him to succeed in life. He is a success today. People come to tell me about him and I thank God for his life.

I do not even communicate with him and he does not know my whereabouts.

I have done my duty and moved on.

Everybody is somebody.

Anybody who does not respect you is not worth your time or your dime.

The nature of the person you are having a relationship with can either make you or break you.



This anoda masterpiece dat needs to be pasted on d doors of most Nigerians. Av always said dat one suffering with superiority complex is as bad, terrible, worse of as someone suffering with inferiority complex. So those who think dey are superior in class or whatever should not rejoice cos they are shallow in thinkn - mentally depraved more like it.

I can call ur bluff no matter who u are or what u think of urself.

Kudos bro.


There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know.

~ Ambrose Bierce, US author & satirist (1842 - 1914)





You are not saying anything new. We all know the poor want to get rich and the rich want to get richer.

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